The best conflict

Problem solvers love to…well…solve problems. The most difficult of problems are nearly always relational. 

And so, for the problem solver hoping to make a difference, they get involved

  • Bosses find out about dysfunctions in meetings on between leaders and followers.
  • Boards sense a lack of growth and get involved in day-to-day decisions.
  • Parents intervene when siblings have conflict. 
  • Pastors step in to build bridges between quarreling spouses or families.

The intent is almost always good. The leader has a sneaky suspicion that, “If I get involved, I can fix this.”

Little do they realize, by inserting themselves into the conflict they exacerbate it.

The fastest and best solution to conflict is not to involve more people. The best route for conflict is always the most direct one.

If a leader discovers a disagreement on a team, they should get less involved, not more.

The difference between pressure and stress

Pressure is the natural pull to finish something. Stress is the result of relational triangulation.

When you add yourself into the mix, you create stress.

When you help the people on either side come together, you create unity. 

Stay engaged, but stay out of it. Coach the people on either side to come together. Don’t imagine that you’ll solve a conflict you didn’t create.

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